So...i feel rather stalkerish. Years ago, my cousin gave me her fanfic.net username and it is still there along with a link to her blog. I bet she has forgotten about it. Me too but i had a link to it in one of my own fanficnet account and so boredom leads from one thing to another. Her life is so busy now. It is rather sobering, actually. I remember that when i was really young, i used to follow her all around when she visited or when there is a family gathering. Now we are as close as people whop have just met, which there is a word for, as Delirium would always ask about(Nei Gaiman's Sandman series). I think i shouldn't ever reveal that fact to her unless we ever have a casual conversation but the likelihood of that is so puny it is not worth mentioning.

It feels weird that blogging is public. You know it is so but it never occur to you until people comment to your entries, which is ever a disquieting experience and i just have the first hand experience of knowing how Internet is truly a public domain and open to investigation seeing what i do when i tried to search for someone last year for a task via scrolling through pages of blogs and friendster. Of course, the Internet method don't work if said someone isn't involved in the Internet or kept a wise separation between Internet identity and her real life's persona. Me, i didn't because sometimes, it is intriguing to release thoughts that are prone to be subjected to judgements, as i have come to realize over the course of time. A little too long a course of time.

She has come a long way though but isn't quite there yet, a long way to go actually. I meant her drawing skills. Of course it far exceeds mine. The preoccupation with all things Japanese. I remember mine. It was my most productive year. It reminds me to go find that spark, that spark that pushes one forward. There is much dread, the dread that always stops me but change occurs regardless, something which defines time, so i'll just go do what i am supposed to do. I hope the dread would go away.