Don't second guess. Don't look back.

Somwtimes, i think interacting with people is a traumatising experience with delayed reaction. Or maybe i think too much. I definitely think too much, or too slowly. Can never know what too talk about. I think i should just project Bay's "Be myself" thing. He really is role model material. Nah. Myself is quite a rather mean but sensitive person. I can't help be mean but when i am mean, i feel utterly bad and i really don't know what to talk about. Most of the time, i feel too shy to be mean. Snow, you so definitely aren't shy despite your false claim but it is a good thing, ice-breaker and all. I think i should just write down a list of questions and use them in conversations.

Sometimes, i also despise my forgetful nature when it makes someone suffer. Sorry Snow.

You know, sometimes, you have this irrational ache in your heart. It is phantom-like but strong and you don't know why you feel so. Music dosen't calm you. Nothing does. For me, at least reading does. Anyway, just so you know someone shares something with you, the feeling of being lost like a ship without direction in the vast unending sea.

I want to be more mature but i don't know how. What is maturity? To take the lead? To do what you know to do to survive? Embrace challenges...

I seem to always be standing still. Actually, no, more of receding. Miss Ng says if one stands still, one recedes because everyone is moving forward.

Shimata degozaru.

Focus people. And aliens.(I love references to anime, cartoons, books and fanfiction. Cheers to being vague and subtle.)

Come on. Snap out of it. Smile. Sometimes when i project someone else too much, i feel like i am losing myself.

So anything can be a topic of pessimism but that means anything can be an object of optimism.

CO camp in 6th december. I only have a few seeds left but there is still Kor Cao AKA bitter grass. It is liquid therefore it is deadlier. Really, one lump of wasabi wins all but it is pure torture and i am not that evil, especially when i can't even taste it. There was that traumatising experience of wasabi sushi. Is Sakae Sushi mad? Who would come up with that kind of sushi and expect customers to like it?

I forgot to say why i love Movie L in the previous previous journal entry. Hmmm...other than his appearance, his actions are his attractive points. He is childish and he is not afraid to show it (unlike Raito). He is almost the exact copy of his manga chracter but (i can't believe i am actually saying it) cuter. He picks up stuff as if they were crimescene objects or ticking bombs, a prettier way to say delicately. He is pouty. He is blunt. Unfortunately, he is going to die.

Movie Raito is not Raito in the manga. An attractive quality of him is that he makes us hope that he is going to turn good with his charming "I am innocent" smile. Movie Raito is devious all the way. Evil, just plain evil.